Not Myself 

I have anxiety disorder along with bipolar. The anxiety hit me at the oddest times,  like when I’m trying to rest. I’ll be almost asleep and then I’ll jerk and wake up. A foreboding comes over my body, like something is wrong. I have been like this for as long as I can remember but lately it happens more often than not. Usually I pray about it and that helps but sometimes it helps to write about it. 

Let me tell you a little about myself. In my younger days, I was more active and involved in a lot of activities. I volunteered, was in all kinds of clubs and took care of my husband and the house. I loved being around people and being the life of the party.

Now, that I’m divorced, I don’t know what to do with myself. I was so wrapped up in taking care of hIm, I lost my identity. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or who I am. 

I don’t get out of bed much except to do the things that I have to do, like bathing, eating and going to the store and then that takes all my energy. I have created a safe place in my bedroom and when I have to leave it, I get anxious. I know that being alone isn’t good for me but what do I do? 

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