Freakys

I been taking my boyfriend from college and we talk about what we are going to do when we see each other again.  Last night I sent him this at the end of our conversation 

One more thing. I have unfinished business with you that I plan on finishing. Nobody’s gonna get in the way. It’s you and me. Ready to take me on???¿

This is what I sent Art last night. It sounds like I’m a stalker. If I were him, I would be running and not look back. I loose all my brains when it comes to him.  I can’t make him believe that I am a different person who wants to do all the things he wants to do.

So I tried to explain what I meant and it came out like this.

I want to explain what I meant. Back then let people tell me what to do. When the preacher threatened me, it scared me. From then on, I pretended not to care but I did. You moved away and things happened. Life happened but in the back of my mind, I have always wanted to see you again and be with you like I should have then. That’s what I meant by “unfinished business”.

That says I’ve been planning on getting together with him for a long time which is even freakier. I can’t loose him because I’m a freak. I need help.

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What Was He Thinking?

Last week I got a call from my ex saying that his sister was going to die and he was on his way to see her in Midland TX that night. He wanted to know if I would ride with his girlfriend to go see her the next day. I have never met the lady. Besides that, it’s only been a month since the divorce was final. So, I told him that I couldn’t get away.

That night I stayed awake worrying about his sister.  The next morning I decided to call his mom. After be talking to be her, I found out that his sister was having a hard time after having a double mastectomy and the only thing wrong was a leakage at the surgery sight.  She didn’t know where he got the idea that his sister was going to die. (Let’s just say he has a lot of education and not enough brain to handle it!)

After thinking about it, I should have told him that I would have ridden with her. That would have given us a chance to talk. I could have given her the scoop on him. I don’t think he realized that.

What would you do?

Not Myself 

I have anxiety disorder along with bipolar. The anxiety hit me at the oddest times,  like when I’m trying to rest. I’ll be almost asleep and then I’ll jerk and wake up. A foreboding comes over my body, like something is wrong. I have been like this for as long as I can remember but lately it happens more often than not. Usually I pray about it and that helps but sometimes it helps to write about it. 

Let me tell you a little about myself. In my younger days, I was more active and involved in a lot of activities. I volunteered, was in all kinds of clubs and took care of my husband and the house. I loved being around people and being the life of the party.

Now, that I’m divorced, I don’t know what to do with myself. I was so wrapped up in taking care of hIm, I lost my identity. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or who I am. 

I don’t get out of bed much except to do the things that I have to do, like bathing, eating and going to the store and then that takes all my energy. I have created a safe place in my bedroom and when I have to leave it, I get anxious. I know that being alone isn’t good for me but what do I do? 

My Vacation

This past weekend I went to visit my friend in Rockwall, TX. We met in college and was instant friends.  I lived in a dorm for physically disabled students which was off campus. He was one of the drivers. 

Anyway, we haven’t seen each other in 20 years so we had a lot of catching up to do. I also met his husband who was very nice. They had my sister and I over to dinner both night we were there. We went shopping,  ate by the lake and just had a great time

I made reservations for a handicap accessible room at the LaQuinta. Their idea of “accessible” and mine are not the same. They think if you put grab bars in the bathroom, it’s accessible. I couldn’t even get my chair up to the bed, let alone up to the window to open the curtains, which had nice rings on them so that if I could get over there, I could open and close the curtains. Don’t get me started on the pillows.  

My Opinion

This is a little background information as to why I’m blogging. I recently got a divorce from a man who I was married to for 15 years. We both have a disability and both of us graduated from college. He was supposed to be a minister but some of his ideas were way out there.  When I stuck to my beliefs, he didn’t like it.
I wasn’t allowed to have my own opinion because his opinion was the only one that mattered. If I expressed mine and it was different from his, he would go into a raging fit.

I say this because this blog is going to be full of my opinions and I hope to be able to get my point across without offending people too much.  If I do, well that’s part of life.